Author: @JBickertonUK 
 
An honest cat has admitted to its owner that the only reason it hasn’t eaten her is due to her relative size. The cat explained that it will gladly kill and eat just about any animal smaller than itself, including rodents, birds, fish and frogs, and that if human’s weren’t so damn big it would gladly eat them as well. 
Going into some detail the cat informed its owner that if she could be scaled down to a tenth of her present size ‘I would gladly gorge out your eyes, tear out your tongue and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti’. 
 
The cat’s owner, 36 year old retail assistant Alison Peacock, admitted she was ‘shocked and hurt’ by her cat’s outburst. Alison explained she had decided to buy a cat ‘to help combat loneliness’ and was surprised to discover that they are blood thirsty maniacs. 
 
Dr Helen Carter, a feline expert at the University of Manchester, explained that the cat’s comments are an accurate reflection of the species behaviour, though she was a little surprised that this one could talk. Dr Carter added that it’s important that all cat owners worldwide realise that ‘if you were just a bit smaller your cat would kill and eat you’. 
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