Given current geopolitical situation Theresa May advises parents to ‘eat their own children’
Posted on 14th March 2017 at 15:40
Theresa May has suggested that ‘given the current geopolitical situation’ the kindest thing British parents can do is to ‘eat their own children’. The Prime Minister made the controversial remarks during a Whitehall press conference this morning.
May argued that due to ‘Trump, Brexit and a second Scottish independence referendum’ the country is looking ‘pretty screwed right now’ and that it would be best for the next generation ‘not to see what we’re about to become’. As a result the only ‘humane and moral’ option available to UK parents is to ‘dispose of their offspring’.
The Prime Minister went on to state that, as the falling pound means meat prices have gone up significantly since Brexit, the country can’t allow all that ‘dead flesh to go to waste’. As a result, as a matter of economic necessity, parents should eat their children rather than disposing of them by any other means.
The Spark understands that the Government is also considering a more radical policy, which would allow citizens to eat 'other people's children', with state-run schools being rebranded as 'all you can eat buffets'.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn condemned the Prime Minister’s suggestion, and has vowed to mount a ‘completely incoherent and incompetent' campaign of opposition to the policy.
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