Posts from February 2017

The British Government has formally requested financial reparations from the Governments of Denmark, Norway and Sweden, to compensate for the period of Viking raiding which took place between the years 793 and 1066. 
Hollywood stars used last night’s 89th Academy Awards ceremony to speak out about the ongoing Southern Rail industrial dispute. 
Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has insisted that Prime Minister Theresa May must ‘set fire to a cricket bat on camera’ if she wants to avoid a second independence referendum. 
The Conservative Party has announced that it will fight the next General Election on a platform of ‘banning all music’ in a bid to make the election ‘vaguely competitive’. 
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has claimed that the party need to ‘talk a lot more about the IRA’ in order to improve its currently dire poll ratings. 
The European Union has formally insisted that it must be given four pints of former UKIP leader Nigel Farage’s blood as part of any Brexit deal. 
It’s been revealed that a man recently swapped his first born child for a pint in a central London pub. 
Former Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that, contrary to popular conception, he’s actually a working-class Liverpudlian. 
The Labour leadership has agreed to support Trump’s state visit to the UK after senior Government figures persuaded them that he’s actually a former IRA commander. 
Liberal Democrat members and party staffers have been instructed to start referring to party leader Tim Farron as ‘Glorious Leader’. 

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