Author: @JBickertonUK 
 
Scotland’s First Minister and SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has insisted that from now on England should be referred to as ‘Mordor’ in all official SNP publications. Sturgeon gave the order during a meeting of the party’s National Executive Committee in Edinburgh. 
Sturgeon explained to the assembled senior SNP officials that the word England ‘just doesn’t sound evil enough’ to describe the land of ‘those oppressive oil thieving bastards’ to Scotland’s South. As a result she stated that from now on the party would describe the territory as ‘Mordor’, after the land of evil in Lord of The Rings, which she described as a ‘far more accurate description’ of the territory in question. 
 
Sturgeon did however successfully resist a more radical proposal from former SNP leader Alex Salmond, who claimed that England should just be represented ‘via a high pitched scream’. Salmond argued that there’s no known word in any human language which accurately described ‘the wickedness and malice of the country to our South’, and therefore it should be represented by an animalistic sound. This proposal was rejected by the National Executive Committee, along with a proposal to make Morris dancing a criminal offense, as ‘too radical at this stage’. 
 
Following the order the SNP posted a new press release on their website, arguing that Mordor had dragged Scotland out of the European Union against her will, and that therefore the party hopes to hold a second referendum on independence from Mordor. 
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