It’s been revealed that a man recently swapped his first born child for a pint in a central London pub. 
Former Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that, contrary to popular conception, he’s actually a working-class Liverpudlian. 
The Labour leadership has agreed to support Trump’s state visit to the UK after senior Government figures persuaded them that he’s actually a former IRA commander. 
Liberal Democrat members and party staffers have been instructed to start referring to party leader Tim Farron as ‘Glorious Leader’. 
Hampshire County Council has announced plans to build a wall along its border with Surrey, and insists that ‘Surrey will pay for it’. 
Former SNP leader Alex Salmond has reportedly been telling friends that he thinks he can 'smell an Englishman’. 
A Quidditch game in Scotland between top teams Gryffindor and Hufflepuff had to be suspended after violence broke out in the stands between rival supporters. 
The British Government has officially requested that former Prime Minister Tony Blair endorse a range of ‘social ills’ in order to discredit them by association. 
UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has claimed that he lost ‘several close friends’ during the 1415 Battle of Agincourt. 
The Labour Party’s candidate in the upcoming Stoke-on-Trent Central by-election, Gareth Snell, has reportedly been begging party leader Jeremy Corbyn to campaign actively for his UKIP opponent Paul Nuttall.