Theresa May accuses Cadbury’s of promoting ‘heresy and sexual deviancy’ in Easter egg row
Posted on 4th April 2017 at 14:50
Prime Minister Theresa May has accused chocolate manufacturer Cadbury’s of promoting ‘heresy and sexual deviancy’ after the firm removed the word ‘Easter’ from its egg hunts. An infuriated May made the statement to journalists during a visit to Saudi Arabia, whose ‘friendly and tolerant’ attitude towards Christianity she compared favourably to Cadbury’s.
May described Cadbury’s actions as a ‘deliberate and blasphemous’ assault on Christianity, which constitutes the ‘greatest assault on Christendom’ since ‘the Romans slaughtered Christians in the Colosseum’. She emphasised that if ‘left unaddressed’ this action would likely lead to ‘further offenses against God’ such as ‘replacing “Merry Christmas” with “Seasons Greetings” or the legalisation of divorce’. From this point May claimed it’s a ‘very short step’ to ‘witchcraft and sodomony in the streets’.
May finished by stating that she has instructed MI5 to start investigating Cadbury’s ‘with immediate effect’, on the basis that any group which ‘so grievously assaults Christianity’ is ‘almost certainly linked to the so-called Islamic State’.
Meanwhile around the UK Christian fundamentalists have responded with protests outside Cadbury’s owned property, several of which have turned violent. In Nottingham a Cadbury’s factory was vandalised by a 3,000 strong mob chanting ‘God wills it’, whilst large consignments of Cadbury’s cream eggs have been smashed on the streets of both Cambridge and Brighton.
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