World leaders have sent messages congratulating the Russian Government on winning the Cold War after Donald Trump’s inauguration as President of the United States. 
This follows the revelations that both the CIA and FBI believe Russian hackers intervened in the election campaign to help Trump win, and the publication of an unverified dossier alleging that the Russian secret service holds sexually-explicit blackmail material against the new President. Analysts have agreed that this level of Kremlin influence blows apart the traditional view that the West was the victor in the Cold War. 
 
Following Trump’s inauguration Western leaders rushed to offer Russia belated congratulations on its Cold War victory. German Chancellor Angela Merkel tweeted ‘Congrats Russia. Thought we’d won but you pulled it back at the end. Great game!’ British Prime Minister Theresa May concurred, telling a press conference in London that ‘you’ve got to hand it to them, looked like they’d lost in 1991 but they managed to pull it back’. 
 
Western security analysts have admitted they underestimated the Russian threat, having spent the last couple of decades seeing Russia as no more than a source of crucial strategic resources such as oil and unusual pornography. A former NATO official admitted to The Spark that ‘the Russian’s lulled us into a false sense of security for 25 years…they played us brilliantly’. 
 
In response to our request for comment a spokesman for the White House released a statement. Unfortunately however it’s in Russian so we can’t read it. 
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