It’s been revealed that a number of European Union officials have finally stopped laughing for the first time since they first heard the result of the UK General Election. The result of the election triggered an outbreak of ‘near hysterical laughter’ across Brussels, which was only finally brought under control in the past 12 hours. 
EU officials admitted that the election result had triggered a ‘mass drop in productivity’ across Brussels, as workers absorbed the ‘absolute hillariarity’ of Theresa May calling a General Election to get a strong mandate ahead of Brexit negotiations and then losing her majority. However they became increasingly concerned after some staffers were still laughing after 48 hours, which they feared could have long-term health implications. As a result a number of emergency services were brought in, who finally managed to control the laughing outbreak with jets of ice cold water and showings of extremely unfunny TV shows like ‘Location, Location, Location’ and ITV2’s ‘Celebrity Juice’. 
Andre Petro, an EU employee from Portugal, told The Spark that he’d got up last Friday ‘rather depressed’, after hearing the day before that his entire family had been wiped out in a freak badger attack. However after Petro heard the UK result ‘my whole outlook changed’ and ‘I remembered that there is laughter and joy in life after all’. 
The EU has announced stringent measures to ensure such a laughing attack is not repeated, most prominently by banning all news from the UK and pretending Boris Johnson doesn’t exist. 
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