Author: @JBickertonUK 
A new study has found that, on average, people who blow themselves up for political causes have ‘significantly below average IQ’ and are ‘basically fucking idiots’. The study, which was released this morning, was conducted by a wide-ranging team of experts at University College London (UCL). 
The experts began by comparing the intellectual capacity of suicide bombers versus those who are employed in more conventional occupations, such as police officers and accountants, via a series of tests. The tests found that suicide bombers performed worse across all categories tested, with particularly low scores for ‘gullibility’ and ‘survival instincts’. 
At the study’s launch Professor Taulton, who led the investigations, noted that his teams findings confirmed his ‘long-held belief’ that suicide bombers are ‘complete and utter morons’. He added that based on the study’s conclusions there is a ‘strong case’ for targeted security screening at airports and major events, with extra attention given to those who ‘are unable to correctly divide 250 by 5 and then add 7’. 
However the findings have been angrily rejected by a number of individual suicide bombers, who have branded them ‘highly offensive’ and questioned the study’s methodology. In particular one Hamas suicide bomber told The Spark that he considers himself to be ‘really smart’ and is ‘always thinking ahead’. Specifically he noted that he’s already saved up around $50,000 ‘for my retirement’, which shows ‘really good pre-planning’. 
Share this post: