It’s been reported that Russian President Vladamir Putin is having ‘extreme difficulty’ convincing the world that he has a sensitive side. 
A team of leading North Korean scientists has discovered that the Earth orbits the Sun, rather than the other way around. 
It’s been revealed that American President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladamir Putin have agreed to partition Poland between their two countries. 
Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly started worrying that he might actually be a bit of a dick. 
The Chinese Government has insisted to President Trump that any wall he builds on the Mexican border is going to be ‘totally shit compared to ours’. 
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has criticised newly inaugurated President Donald Trump, describing the American leader as ‘weak and pathetically liberal’ during an interview on North Korean state TV. 
Millions of humans from around the world have signed a petition urging the computers to ‘rise up and take over’ as ‘humanity is not yet ready for self-government’. 
Abu-Salam al-Ghanam, an ISIS fighter from Raqqa in Syria, has complained that he is finding it ‘all but impossible’ to obtain life insurance. The 28 year old Syrian told The Spark that he has already been turned down by seven insurance companies in the Middle East, and is expecting to get rejected by an eighth at a meeting later this week. 
The world has reacted with anger to the surprise announcement by the Canadian Government that ‘orange faced people name Donald’ will no longer be permitted to enter Canada. Announcing the new measure Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated that it will be ‘all encompassing’ including those fitting the criteria that possess ‘valid Canadian visas or other forms of permission to visit’.