The Swiss army has been declared the ‘safest employer in the world’ for the fourth year running by the International Organisation of Employers (IOE). 
The Swiss army has been declared the ‘safest employer in the world’ for the fourth year running by the International Organisation of Employers (IOE). The announcement was made in the group’s 2016 annual review, which revealed that the Swiss army narrowly beat budgerigar training company ItTweets to the top spot. 
 
Sources within the Swiss military have warmly welcomed the review, which they claim is a testament to the Swiss army’s ‘professionalism’ and ‘total aversion to combat’. Swiss General Guy Widmer-Schlumpf told The Spark that he was ‘delighted’ by the result. He expressed confidence that it would help the Swiss army recruit from those who are both ‘very interested in guns’ and ‘highly risk adverse’, a demographic which he described as ‘underutilised’ by other world armies. 
 
The General admitted that he had feared that the Swiss army would lose top spot, after one of its soldiers was stung by a wasp last summer during a training exercise, and was pleased that ‘this seems to have been overlooked’. 
 
However the Swiss army is likely to face stiffer competition this year after a man managed to get Slough Borough Council to employ him as a ‘wild rattlesnake catcher’. As there are no wild rattlesnakes in Slough the man in question, 48 year old Alan Whitehead, is expecting to ‘have plenty of time for reading’. 
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